You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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