it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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