She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
