What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
