So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
