I just cut my nipple shaving
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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