My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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