She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
