My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
