He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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