i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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