no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
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If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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