you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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