i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
