Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
