Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just invented taco cereal.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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