i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
