If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he puts the penis in happiness.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
