Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All the doctor said was why
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
