Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
