And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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