At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
