Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
