i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
