did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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