im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
