i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
