she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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