My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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