guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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