her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
