evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
