I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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