I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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