I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
