I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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