there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
