call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
