The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
