she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
