dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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