Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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