Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize