If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
