im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
