so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
