you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
