Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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