It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
