I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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