I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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