Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
