She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
