i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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