theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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