Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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