i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
