you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
