its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
