I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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