College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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