My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
