Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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