Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
