I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
