I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
