Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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