We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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