I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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