so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
