your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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