she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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