Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
