man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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