oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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