He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
