I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
