Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need moral support for this bender
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
