All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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