He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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